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The iPod is a mystical white contraption that endlessly screams in the foreign language known only to mortals as "Music". The most distinctive feature of the iPod the fact that it is internally programmed to kill people.

The iPod was invented by a mischievous band of rogue kittens with the intent of destroying the human race. It succeeded in this goal on March 10, 1975. All humans who appear to be living today are in fact weak robotic projections of their original versions before they were all destroyed by iPods.

Because iPods were developed by kittens and rushed to the market so quickly, the iPod is a poorly designed device. Even though it runs on UNIX, the kittens included ports of Windows errors to make users feel more at home with the new interface. Users have found it prone to errors including the dreaded BSOD.

A new device called the iPod photo is now on the market, but buyers should note that it is not actually an iPod, but just a photo of one.

To this Date iPods killed OVER 9000 humans.

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